So I got a letter from the prophet today. It said "URGENT", and "OPEN IMMEDIATELY" on the front. So I had a seat on my couch and gently opened it, not every day someone gets a letter from the prophet. I read through it and was astonished at what I read...
Apparently the world is going to end two months from now and I am one of the chosen few who needs to pack up my stuff and head West. The instructions were VERY vague, but the details on the forthcoming calamaties were pretty detailed.
If you are living in California, you might want to move soon, there will be a HUGE monsoon in three weeks time that will destroy nearly half of the state. There will be several more large scale attacks on the US, and a genocide in Africa. And if you haven't been to Egypt to see the Great Pyramid yet, don't bother, it will be gone within the week due to a heay earthquake.
Weather calls for huge hailstorms across the nation and don't look to the skies cuz you're gonna get hit by falling stars!!!
Well, I'm gonna go pack my bags and head on out...nice knowing you all!